It still depresses me beyond all reason when he leaves without saying 'I love you'
I've been told I have a tendency to... overdo things.
The slightest things send me spiraling down, like when he just says 'g2g bye' and logs off. How stupid is that? I love him more than anyone, more than ana even. I would gladly take the knowladge that I could never become skinny if I could also have the knowladge that he'd always be there for me.
Point? I feel like I'm overdoing this love thing.
What can I do though? Hide it I guess. Not that I'm in love, no he knows that, but just how far it has gone. Like I do with... this. He knows, and I complain to him every once in awhile about how big something looks on me when I'm feeling really down, or after a bad binge, but I'd never let him know just how big I feel all the time. No one besides you guys can know that, they can't understand it.
It would be so much nicer to just not care so much. Its easier to deal with people you don't care about because you're not afraid of them leaving you. I want this last year to be over now, because I want to be with him, I want to be where I can see him every day and.. keep an eye on him... obsessive freak...
Anywho, will post intake tomorrow when it can't be changed. So far so blah. Not over limit, but NOT good. Too damn close...
Mmmm. Obsessive with a tendency to overdo? Defines most of us with this condition, as does the downward spiral for seemingly ridiculous reasons. But they aren't ridiculous at the time!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting on my blog. Answers to your burning hair question are there :)
Take care, dollface. We all go a little crazy sometimes.
I feel like a can sort of relate to you in a way- having the tendency to obsess over things. When I like something (like a tv show or movie), I really start to like it, almost to the point where that's all I talk about. Then once that obession is over, I move on to something else. I've never been in love with anyone though, so I have no idea what that's like. I'm almost afraid to start a relationship because I don't want to be too clingy but I don't want to ignore the guy either! There was a postsecret that said something like, "I'm too afraid to drink alcohol because I know I have the ability to become an alcoholic." You're not a freak because you obsess about things, I promise you! You're lucky to have someone you love and care so much about though :)
ReplyDeleteIt's our nature to obsess. It's how we get this way. And we both want to keep an eye on our men. I told Chris that I've lost weight since this time last year and he wasn't to weirded out...And I was joking that he was trying to make me fat with the birthday dinner I had to eat as well as cake and he said no. And Mat said he liked skinny girls. And you are skinny. And its alright not to love love him.
ReplyDeleteAnd its being territorial. We as women are allowed that right.
I've said and to much and this doesn't make much sense anymore...
Hello Starting Artist. We men are silly. Especially when we're young. As we get older, we get a bit better, but even then we exhibit odd behaviour. We can't communicate like women do, and it's difficult for us to talk about how we feel. Generally, such things are discouraged in men.
ReplyDeleteAlso, we men tend to not show our love and appreciation quite the way women would. Men don't grasp hints very well.
Usually, to see how we feel, you have to look at our behaviour. When a man loves a woman, he thinks about her all the time and his behaviour shows consideration. He'll call when he says he will. He'll do little things, buy little things, and so on. With us men, it's by our actions that you know how we feel rather than our words - as the song says, "words don't come easy." Sometimes a man will show how he feels by saying nothing at all.
I think even now, I'm not expressing myself well because I feel I cannot say all I should. Hopefully, you understand what I'm getting at.
The woman I love gets frustrated with my inability to communicate, too. But I do love her very very much, even though I cannot always tell her in the way that she might like.
Cheers for now.
Sorry, I was typing fast - hope there are not too many typos in that post :)
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