Hershey's Cookies'n'creme - 220 calories of almost nothing but sugar and fat
                                                  +
Huge fucking rice crispie treat - 310 calories of absolutly nothing but sugar
                                                  =
530 calories - I really don't deserve anything else today but a stomach ache from too much coffee

I'm sorry I haven't been commenting much, I just had the worst couple of days in a long fucking time. It started out with three days where I ate 'normal' cause I was snowed in the house with the fam. On the morning I finally was able to get out, I checked my weight..
104
one hundred and fucking four
yeah, I freaked, I broke down and cried like I haven't in forever.
Matt was having a bad day, I don't remember why anymore because MUCH worse came later, but at the time I thought it was terrible and it just made the day worse. I was MESSED UP that day, I was getting numb over things that would make a normal person cry, I was crying over annoyances and getting angry at things that would normaly have made me laugh..
Then I got home and got a text from Matt......
his ex had come over (the one he was loyal to for three years that cheated on him several times AND TOLD HIM ABOUT IT WHILE HAVING SEX WITH HIM, basicly mentaly and emotionaly abused him for three years, no this isn't just coming from him, she confermed it and said he deserved it! God I want to fucking punch her self absorbed, pimply blond head into a mush after I rip off her fingers and toes and shove them down her throat raw! Erm... anyway...) and told him she had tested positive for fucking herpies and that she didn't know when she had gotten it and he might have it too, which means I might have it if he does.
That was just too much. I broke the fast I'd meant to keep for another day or two and had a salad so I wouldn't get sick off my medicine. I finished off a bottle of dxm, not actually even enough to get me to first platue, but enough to put a fog over things.
Then my best friend (I don't even know why she has the title still, I never talk to her anymore, but then, I never really talk to anyone besides Matt anymore and out of all my friends (besides Matt) she still knows the most about me..) called me. She's anti-drug to the max. I remember thinking "I shouldn't talk to her," but.. this is going to sound really stupid, and it is but I was high >.<.. The vibration of the phone felt so fucking awesome I decided I had to tell her about it.
We fought.
I told her things I've been thinking (thank god no ana thoughts slipped out) that I would NEVER have said otherwise. I was able to patch it up the next day saying I hadn't meant anything I said, it was all the drugs. That, of course, reinforced her antidrugness and gave her cause to lecture me. I also realized how true it all actually is. (hense the doubting of the bestfriendness now)
Dxm fucks with your head, yeah, it makes you something your not while you're on it. It makes me honest. Hah, isn't that rich? Honesty is what makes people mad at me, I have to lie to live comfortably with people.
I think that's part of the reason I love Matt, I don't lie to him, and he still loves me... he's an amazing person, that he can accept and love without haveing to understand and worry without being restricting or angry..
anywho, I weighed again the next morning, 97 (I was rather dried out.. I guess the dxm did that? dunno) I'd been at 96, so I gained about a pound, the rest was just water weight and bloat I guess, whatev, I'll take it.
I'm back on track, it's been crazy and I'm still kinda down, but I'm back with a plan. Coffee today, tomorrow I'll have the lovely low cal soup & grapefruit meant for today and the next day I'll have my mellon, meant for tomorrow >.<
I want that mellon :( but I have to have at least one good day first, then I can have my mellon and damnit that good day is ganna be tomorrow! I don't want my poor little mellon to go bad...
I'm still having violent thoughts about that bitch... it's rare someone inspires this kind of rage in me..
I'm going to end this now because if I don't I'll probably write another three or four pages about her...

/end rant