So, discovery, I have had a lot of panic attacks. And I didn't even know it. I had a panic attack the other day, thank god Neverfit explained almost right away what it was, I had no idea what was happening. I was curled up in the corner, terrified if I moved too much something really bad was going to happen, and crying and thinking I'd finally lost it.. I texted neverfit and she helped by telling me what was going on, then managed to move to the bed once I knew what it was, and when I started thinking about it, I realized this has happened before. Just never in the day, or in the light. I never knew I'd had panic attacks, I just thought for some reason the normal childhood terror in the dark had, for some reason, never gone away for me. But now I think I've been having panic attacks at night, not every night, and I'm sure they'd be considered mild, but I get scared, and I have to get under the covers, and then I'm scared to move, and I have trouble breathing deeply, feeling like something is going to get me or something bad is going to happen no matter how many times I tell myself it's all in my head and I'm safe in a house and humans have killed all the big bad monsters already, and if bad ghosts that just wanted to kill people existed we'd have heard a lot more about them already, I'm still terrified.

Also, I've decided I'm going to buy a Breville One-Touch Tea Maker. Yes, it deserves all those caps.


 "It heats water to the correct temperature for your tea, lowers the tea basket automatically into the water, and, at the correct time, auto-lifts the basket to prevent oversteeping. It will keep your tea warm for up to 60 minutes. Tea made simply. Makes up to 50 oz of tea at a time. Brushed stainless steel base with a stainless steel tea basket and a glass jug. Works in 120v, 1500 watts, 60hz" 
"Fully programmable for all types of tea, water temperatures, and steep times. The moving tea basket allows water to circulate freely around the individual tea leaves for maximum infusion. Set the timer and wake up to the aroma of your favorite brew. The German-made Schott glass kettle is durable and stain resistant."


I've checked many different sites, and found no negative reviews that can be taken seriously. A few comments (few and far between) about things people might like to see on it, but always something that would just make something a bit better for that person because of that persons preferences/lifestyle. Often with a disclaimer that this little thing in no way decreases the overall value and amazingness of the product. Amazon didn't even turn up more than a few bad reviews (which were either whining about how Breville has bad costumer service and you shouldn't buy from them, or were just super whiny about other stupid stuff), and that says something.

I'm really tired of using my parents coffee maker, I have to clean it out every time or their coffee apparently tastes funny (I forget to do that a lot), and I can't control the temp/steep time so I don't get the best out of my tea with that. Alternatively if I try to boil the water and get it to the right temp and use a timer, almost without fail, I forget about it, don't hear the timer, or hear the timer but am in the middle of something and think 'I'll go get it as soon as I'm done' but then have forgotten about it by the time I'm done. I don't have the attention span to stand there and watch the damn thing.

So, I really want this, and it costs 250$ which might be a deterrent if I didn't want the goal of getting it as much as I want the actual thing. By 'the goal of getting it' I mean having a goal for my money, to keep me from spending it carelessly on food. I love collecting money, but when I don't have a goal for it, it often ends up being spent stupidly (on food).