Thank you!

Neverfit

"it's almost sort of cute that you got into a fight about WOW. You could be fighting about something that's got to do with a flaw in your relationship instead of an online game."

Thank you so much! Thinking of it that way made me smile, I went and said sorry and agreed with him while he ranted and thanked him for helping me even though he wasn't happy about it and told he he's wonderful and he melted and said he still loves my lazy bum we laughed and we're all good now. <3<3

meh..

So... this is embarrassing..
Matt and I got in a fight over, guess what? World of Warcraft. A game, stupid, I know. But I'm in that 'I know this is a stupid fight but I don't want to say I'm sorry because I still feel like you're in the wrong and YOU should say it' mood.
 I asked for help with getting new gear and he had objections, like I'm not playing the game right/I'm cheating. What it really comes down to is, I feel like 'it would make me happy if you did this' isn't good enough for him. I'm not sure how to say that without starting up the (increadibly stupid) fight again. But not talking to him at all is really kinda stupid too. /sigh
I don't even know.
I'm ganna go talk to him now and probably update this in a few minutes.
~edit~
Yeah, I got him to do it, and kinda feel low and greasy now.. I should have just let it go, now he's doing it, but I'm pretty sure he's angry at me... I wish I'd just let it go..

It fucking snowed.

Please disregard my excited "It's warming up!" from a few posts ago. As the title here suggests, it fucking snowed.
I hate fickle weather. GET FUCKING WARM ALREADY!!!!
Fuuuuuuuuuuu!
Aaanyway..
Matt should be sending out my rings on monday, so I should get them wednesday or tursday. Woot! Hoping for wednessday so I don't have to be at work thursday and I can do it then!
Also, on monday I'll be starting a liquid fast http://seeking-en-light-enment.blogspot.com/p/fasters.html for the reasons given here. It just so happens the begining of the month falls on the perfect date to start cleaning out my belly so I don't get sick while I'm trying to admire my belly ring in the mirror.
Guh, I still have the nastyest pudge from the weekend of pigging out with Micky. 
I really wish my world revolved around something other than food sometimes.
At least.. I have the sense to have gone the right way with this obsession before it got too out of hand the other way... I'd rather be a skinny person that thinks of nothing but food and their body than a fat person that's the same.. I can tell any ana-hater/fatty-supporter that this feels much better for me, I can say that because I've been both.
I think I'm ganna put my card in and try to get back into World Of Warcraft this weekend instead of pigging out.
Oh! One last thing, instead of going and buying any sourt of food, I'm saving up my money to get some cute shorts for summer! I've gotten an ever-so-slight gap between my thighs that I intend to make bigger and show off!

Spaces For Organizations

Yesterday Matty got attacked by some godtard that was supposed to be his friend. Someone he cared about, I don't know who, I think he recognized my homicidle intent when he refused to give me a name and address... He caught her talking behind his back about him being an abomination for not being religious.

I WANT TO STAB HER WITH BLUNT THINGS, hang her face down by her big toes and little fingers  and leave her until something rips and she falls, starve her and bake cakes and cook steak where she can smell it......

Its a good thing this 'caring about what happens to another human without thoughts of personal gain' thing doesn't happen that often. And a good thing the two I do care about like that don't usually let people that might hurt them close enough to hurt them...

She made him cry.. I want to hurt her worse than she can imagine it's possible to hurt.

On the belly peircing;

I know it's not good, but I have done it before. I realize it's not painless, trust me, I can deal with the pain. I can't get to a pro, where I am it's illegal for a pro to pierce a minor without parental concent. (people like me are the reason I argue banning minors from acceccing profetionals without parents is bad xD if we want it bad enough we'll do it ourselfs and to hell with what the parents say)

I have ordered a sterile needle and clamp (which I didn't have the first time >.> ) and I've been reading everything and watching all the profetional instructional videos I can find about the proper way to do it.

The only other option I have is letting my friend do it, and.. I trust myself more.

Also.. let me point out that.. I have a little too much experience cleaning puncture wounds and cuts on my body.... I've only ever gotten one infection and I learned from my mistake..

Mich,

I burnt my egg by forgetting about it, I left it in so long all the water boiled away and the egg was left sitting on the hot bottom of the pot. The shell was all brown and the inside was black xD though like I said, it smelled surprisingly less bad than I'd thought it would.

Also, about Vegas....

I'm quite aware of the fun stuff I shouldn't do there... problem is, my mom would NOT stand for it, will not let me out of her sight and if she even THINKS she has caught me doing something I shouldn't (which I will be very very tempted to do if I let her take me) she will be up my ass and no more such trips will happen for a long time. :/

All in all, I think the Smokey Mountains are safer.

I swear I'm smelling things. Dad is eatting Raman, I smell caramel. WTF? >.> veggie soup time.. before I go caramel hunting and eat whatever I find...

Grandpa is bringing cookies tomorrow.. I'm just glad I've been forwarned this time. Filling up with tea tea tea tea.

And finally, my protein powders are here! I want to try them RIGHT NOW!...

Can't do that, they're for healing my piercing quicker.. BAD GIRL, no no no. Remember the pretty piercing.

Damn... I need to get on my crunches, I just realized I won't be able to do those for awhile with that thing O.o

The Fuck?

L says (2:08 PM):

O.o
the fuck?

Matty Oppa says (2:09 PM):
lol

L says (2:09 PM):
I WANT IT!

Matty Oppa says (2:09 PM):
that thing is fucking creepy

L says (2:09 PM):
Its adorable!!

Matty Oppa says (2:10 PM):
L--.
I am creepy
I know creepy
we would have creep off

L says (2:10 PM):
I have a thing for creepy, haven't you noticed that yet?

Matty Oppa says (2:10 PM):
yea
but
no

L says (2:10 PM):
aww...
but..
you two would be so cute together...

Matty Oppa says (2:13 PM):
no. this is unacceptable.
I will not have a creepoff competitor under my roof.
there can only be one, and I have a sword.

"What do the bodies hit Jakey?" "Teh foor!"

Above quote courtesy of Matt and his baby brother Jake.

1. I burned a hard boiled egg. It didn't smell as bad as I'd have imagined it to.
2. My gas station now carries Monster Zero!!! I love this stuff.
3. http://notalwaysright.com/ this is where I got that last post from.
4. MATT GOT MY RINGS!! (My parents don't know I'm doing this, they wouldn't approve, so I sent them to matt so he could send them in an inconspicuous envelope to my office where I distribute the mail)
5. The more I think about getting my piercing, the more I think I want to do it myself, I'm too freaked someone else would do it wrong, and it would end up crooked or whatever.
6. My protein powders are almost here, ups says they'll be here tomorrow night! Someone asked me about these, yes you can make shakes out of them, you can put them in milk or put the flavored ones in water, you can put the unflavored one in almost anything, juice, shake, soup, ect. I got the sample pack so I got two packets of strawberry, chicken soup, chocolate, vanilla and unflavored. Check it out if you want http://unjury.com/. I'm going to use them so I can get more protein to heal my piercing faster without upping my intake a lot.
7. I was at my friends house this weekend, thats why I've not been commenting, sorry!
8. Weight, 94 T.T I was around 92 before I left.. /sigh.. NO BODY, YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE HUNGRY, YOU'VE BEEN PIGGING OUT ALL WEEKEND......
9. My mom wants to take me to Vegas... I'm 16. What the hell is there for me to do in Vegas? Sure, the O show looks cool, but... thats only a few hours.. and.. if we're going a whole weekend...?????? You have no idea how confused I am about this.
10. Oh my god.... it's finally warming up <3
11. Did I post my blue hair picture yet?

Wow.. I look kinda snotty xD

11. I did this number thing because my thoughts are very unorganized right now.

Something random

(This is a guy in his late teens, bagging groceries for a male cashier when a woman in her mid to late thirties arrives at the till.)

Cashier: “Here you go, ma’am.”

Customer: “‘Ma’am?!’ Do I look old enough to be a ‘ma’am?!’”

Cashier: “Uh, sorry miss.”

Customer: “‘Miss!’ That’s even worse! You make me feel like an old maid! I’m still young and beautiful! And you, bag boy! Make sure the eggs are on top, okay?”

Me: *miming shooting a gun and winking* “You got it, babe.”

Customer: *blushing* “I…uh…okay.”

OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS

All of your comments cheered me up so much, I was freaking out this morning because of the post-Vday chocolate buying and stealing ritual... I've been doing this since I could get to the store by myself, after any big themed candy selling day, all the unsold themed candy goes on sale and I go buy, steal, and eat a shit ton. Of course, I worked out a shit ton too, and didn't eat anything else but a cup of yogurt that day in prep, but still, I expected a gain, or at least to maintain, but no, I'm down a pound! Woot!

I ordered my belly rings today! They should be here in about two weeks and I should be healed up in time for swimsuit season <3<3
This is the site I used   https://www.titaniumonly.com

The purple one.

and these are the rings I got!

I can't wait!

I also ordered some protein powder from Unjury.com 

=D so so excited for all my new stuffs! 

Hair

'Cause Mich asked how long it was and I have nothing to talk about that's not depressing.

Fuck you winter.

Fuck you in the ass.

I must be psychotic I must be demented to think that I'm worthy of all this attention

I wanna be a model.
Hah.
I love this song.

"If you're reading this in hopes that you can eat whatever you want when you're pregnant, my advice would be no... Eat healthy, and eat often, but don't think an ice cream a day won't add up. I gained 40 pounds and lost 15 in the first 3 months. I breastfeed and take a walk daily. It's not as easy as everyone had told me. I'm a reasonable eater, and have about 2500 calories a day on average. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but just don't count on it all coming off so quickly!"
.....
BWAAAAHAHAHAHA
.....
>.>
Are people really that derpy? 2500 cals a day and only a little walk for exercise and you think there's nothing else you can do to lose that baby weight?

Now on my to-buy-when-I-have-time/money list
Bristle brush
Iron supplement
Matt gave me a stern talking to about my Iron levels when he realized the things I've been complaining about for the last few weeks seem to be symptoms of Anemia :/ (probably caused my a combo of poor diet and the fact that I've been on my period about two weeks now! >.<)
Constantly tired/no energy
Slight bruises with no/little cause
Dizzy feeling when standing up (or just standing sometimes, don't complain about that one though)
General unwell feeling
Random leg pains
Headaches
Heart beating funky rhythms (also did not complain about, but I saw it on the symptom page he sent me)

So, I may or may not go to the doctor about this, if I do, I will say I've been on my period for about two and a half weeks, so there's not suspicion about what I eat and it can all be blamed on that.

Recipe for Cinamon, or anyone else who's too hot right now. I came up with this just today while I was looking at the ingrediants on my fuze Banana Colada drink. Apple juice is the only fruit juice it has >.>
It could also do without the added sugar.. maybe I'm just getting used to not eatting sugar, but I think it's way too sweet! I've been putting it in my tea! lol

Anyway, here's the rough recipe, plus notes.
1/2 cup pinapple juice - 45 (maybe add a few pinapple chunks? would lower cal since a half cup pinapple chunk is less than pure juice)
1/4 cup orange juice - 27 (or 1/4 cup skim milk -20, would freeze this)
1/4 cup mashed banana - 50
1/2 skim milk - 40
1/2 medium orange - 31 (or half cup pinapple chunks - 37)
3/4 cup water - 0 (not sure if this is too much or too little)
1/2 tsp coconut extract - 0? (not positive of amount since I havent made it, but the one I have is pretty strong so I think this would be enough)
Makes, a little over two cups
as written, calories in half, 96.5 whole,  193
Freeze orange and pinapple juice.
In blender, combine banana, orange half and water, blend. Add frozen juice, blend. Stir in milk and extract and serve. Could stick in the freezer and let sit for a bit for more slushiness, maybe add a packet of stevia (or other sweetener) if needed.




Damn. He's ganna be a lady killer on the dance floor when he grows up haha
But really, thats actually like... crazy good motor control for a kid that age.

Random news;
I've been washing my hair with baking soda, like I said I was going to awhile back, I went through a greasy period, like I'd heard I would, but it wasn't ending like it said it would.. So I saw this tip on a site for long hair that gets greasy at the roots, to take a thick bristle brush and kinda push the oils down to the ends, which anyone with long hair knows, get hella dry hella easy. So I tried this yesterday (spent an hour and a half actually) and today I'm really seeing a difference, it was getting pretty flat up top and frizzed out at the ends, but now it's a lot more even, smooth, shiny and bouncy all the way through. I love it! I'll have to make this a weekly thing.
(I couldnt get mom to let me use her thick brisled brush, so I used the dog brush, [yes I cleaned it out!] next purchace I'm going to have to make is a thick bristle brush for people...)


The side that doesn't look like a pin cushion.



Blah

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
Schizotypal Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Disorder:	High
Borderline Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Disorder:	Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:	High
Avoidant Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders --

High intake today.. yucky stuff mostly after we went to the store and mom went absolutely nutzo (zebra cakes, rice crispy treats and a large walnut maple danish cake thing), rather little exercise, only a 15 minute walk to Dollar General to get some juice for my liquid fast, which I am starting tomorrow.
I cant decide, should I have the higher cal stuff tomorrow, or friday?
I think.. low tomorrow, med/high friday, low/med saturday, and sunday 0 till shopping is over, then salad with mom to break. We're going out to lunch :/ after shopping, thank god, but still :/
SALAD L, got it??



L says (12:35 AM)
GOD DAMNIT I HATE SCREWING UP MY SLEEP >.< I'm not tired at all right now which means I'm not going to get to sleep and I'm going to be useless tomorrow at everything
M says (12:37 AM)
=((( I'm sorry babe, I wish I could cuddle you and help you sleep.
L says (12:38 AM)
me too
M says (12:40 AM)
Ill have fun playing with your hair, rubbing you down and stuff..
L says (12:40 AM)
that sounds lovely..
M says (12:42 AM)
It will be. I'll rub your back until you fall asleep and whisper in your ear to help you dream.

It will be
The littlest things can set me off, but some of the other littlest things can also turn me into a joyous mush.
This would be the reason I'm not in a depressive "I need to exercise/starve myself to death" mood right now.
I love this boy.
I'ma try and sleep now.

Elle GlitterGirl

I can sit and watch this girl for hours.. I don't even know why.

She reminds me of Boxxy, cute, fun, kinda brainless.. blank eyed.. but so addicting!

I don't even know.

I'm going prom dress shopping sunday! Like.. in the store, where I'll have to try things on >.< I need to get this bloat down.. so restricting this week, NO SWEETS DAMNIT.. ugh, why did I have to buy that chocolate? It's hidden in my dads car now.. monday.. I can hold out and I can have it monday.
After dress shopping.
I'll need to start a liquid fast, tursday or friday, to make sure my stomach is as small as it's going to get for the dresses.
God I cant wait for summer when I can have frozen yogurt and cold juice.. I hate winter >.< I'll freeze if I put anything cold in my body.. at least it (kinda) keeps me away from ice cream, and encourages tea.. but all the good drinks are cold, tea can be drunk iced too! I want summer! T.T
Exactly three months till my b-day today, it damn well better get warm quick, I will be very sad if I'm cold on my birthday.

Thank you

Everyone who commented on my last post, thank you so much, you cheered me up monumentally <3 I'd gotten in a huge fight with my mom and burst out in tears.. in front of her.. I hate crying in front of people. I've been having a bad week, food and otherwise. Still hovering around 93-94.
I need to just count all cals, sgd worked for a bit.. but I started getting lazy and careless.. terrible.. anyway, now I've got some sugar free jello, and I'm going to try something with unflavored gelatin too, sweeten with stevia and use a 0cal drink pack to flavor. Might add fruit chunks.. undecided. That and lite applesauce and low cal soup is going to be my new diet.
Time to pick apart my bag.

Down the list,
1- My wallet, I love the colors, even if it is supposed to be a five year olds plaything
2-bag of assorted teas
3-Book, currently reading ElvenBane
4- Phone, don't move without it, much less leave home, too scared to lose it again
5- Sugar free sours ice breakers, 2 cal per mint!
5a- the IceBreakers are sitting on a packet of crystalized ginger
6-sweetners, right now I've got sweet&low, Stevia and Truvia
7- contacts that I have to put on for class. Without them, at night my eyes turn lights more than six feet away into stars, it's pretty awesome.
8- Gum!
9- Those are the flavoring packets from Raman. No, I didn't actually eat the noodles, I make two packs for dinner for fam and only use one flavor pack so I can keep the other. I like putting them on plain tuna or salmon so they aren't so plain.
10- a Crystal Light and a two generic Grape flavor packets for water
11- suckers <3
12- medicated chap stick, my lips bleed when I forget this crap
13- tiny spoon I picked up in chicago, isn't it cute?! I love tiny things
14- a hoodia pill I found on the bottom of my bag
15- thing that has my colored pencils, eracers and shapener in it along with my tarot cards
16- my little sketch book, and a drawing out of it from this morning;

I wish I could make this dress and wear it to prom, that's the kind of dress I want..

Trying to see..

Old picture

now

My Oppa told me I needed to do a little self ego boosting.... I tried.. now I guess I have to wait and see if it's going to work.. >.>

Hungry & stuck

Parents are fighting, omg I'm hungry as all hell.. maybe it's a good thing I'm stuck up here..
I can't go downstairs... sometimes if they're fighting and my brother or I get too close mom will grab us and make us answer questions and if we don't answer 'right' (in a way that makes dad look/feel bad) we are in trouble too.
Last night I had a minor freak out.. I got in bed, laid down and reached for Mattys hoodie, and it wasn't there. When I get a sleepcomfort thing,  I need that thing to sleep. That's what his hoodie has become. I used to have a pikachu (pokemon) doll that was my sleepcomfy.. I slept with that thing for six years. When I finally lost it (I still think my parents took it for fear it'd make me sick, it had gotten pretty grubby) I didn't sleep for three nights in a row before I finally passed out from exhaustion, and I had trouble getting to sleep for a long time after that.

Need a hug..

How can someone make you feel like the biggest bitch ever just for not talking?

I wish I could just be angry and rant and get over it, but my head doesn't work that way apparently. I got sad first, then I thought about it and made myself get angry, then I went and ranted to Matt, and now that the anger has drained away.. I just feel... empty.. it's a damn good thing we're out of ice cream. My intake has been terrible anyway..

Prom dress shopping = awesome thinspo

'