I fought with Matt today. Sourta. It wasn't really either of our faults, but the ending to all our fights so far no matter what is I cave and scramble to kiss up and say sorrysorrysorryhowcanImakeitbetter? And then feel shitty and pathetic or I ask him five times to say sorry and feel shitty and pathetic. I'm tired of it. So, I didn't do it. I sat and watched the angry and then hurt words pop up. It's the hurt that usually gets to me, but I'm tired of being pathetic. So I sat and watched. Then finally he asked why I wasn't saying anything, well actually he said 'An apology or even 'sorry you feel that way' would have been nice' and I explained that I'm not going to say sorry first now. I'm tired of it.
I didn't tell him how much it hurts.
So he gave a snippy 'I'm sorry for being a prick, even though it wasn't unprovoked. I'm going to bed'
I wanted to say sorry, that whole time but I don't want to be pathetic. I'm tired of it. I don't want to just get over it either, I want him to understand.. how do I make him understand? If I can't.. this is going to be the beginning of the end of us.
Comment responses
Kim; Tell me how your popsicles turned out, I wanna hear.
Hope; It took me about a year to get down from 30something% to 12.72%
Aly; Nope, I'm in the US, we have virgin mobile too.
I'm sorry about your fight. But I'm glad that this time you stood up to yourself and didn't cave, as much as it was hard to do.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong, and beautiful.
PS: ahh i see about Virgin Mobile. I need some new texting buddies - most of mine are overseas on holidays right now :(
I'm sorry you had a fight.
ReplyDeleteBut it's good you didn't say 'sorry' first. Whenever i fight with someone i'm always the first to apologize and it makes me feel so hurt and pathetic because they don't care about my feelings at all, they don't even feel guilty for offending me. I wish they would understand but they don't.
Stay strong ♥
sorry about the fight love, but I think its god that your not giving first. Stay strong
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting. Yes cars literally made me run and hide. I was that scared. It happens to me quite often now, especially when I'm on my own. So i can't even go out for a much-needed run sometimes without freaking out.
ReplyDeleteWell, i do have a thigh gap. I really should make a post about myself. I hardly go on blogger to update anymore. I'm just on tumblr so often :D