I'm finally getting over that whole look only at the ground when I'm walking thing, and what do I do? Step on a mouse. That was the most terrible noise I've ever heard in my life. I got a bit sick before I even knew what it was. I jumped back, but the damage was done. It dragged whatever was spilling out of its split skin a little ways, then collapsed, its little legs still kicking. I stared in morbid fascination as it died, I think the emotion part of my brain shut down right there, I was thinking the whole time that I should crush its head to put it out of its misery. In my version to Matt, I said that I had, because it seemed right. I guess it was because he replied "And that's what separated you from psychosis" I don't know what to think of that, so I'm not going to. I had to suppress being sick as I walked away, and I felt pretty bad that I hadn't done anything to help, probably not as bad as I should feel.. I'm not even going to justify this, it was terrible, sick. I don't know what else to say.
It was a godawful fucking accident and you sound like you need a hug.
ReplyDeleteSo: *Internet-hug*
I ran over a rabbit this summer in my car. My cousin tried to tell me i just shocked it, but I know that's not the truth. It's not necessarily the right thing to "put it out of it's misery." There's a gray area. so don't be too hard on yourself. I bet your BF was just trying to make you feel better. Boys aren't always the most perceptive
ReplyDeleteIt happens. I don't think your reaction was sick or wrong. I don't know that many people who could have put it out of its misery--that's an extremely difficult thing to do, no matter how badly the animal is suffering. I had to shoot a deer once because the 4 guys I was with couldn't bring themselves to do it. I vomited afterwards. :/
ReplyDelete::HUGS::
Oh shit, I missed that tea time again D:
ReplyDeleteI hope you're feeling better. Did you have a good weekend?
xoxoxoxoxo