Monday, February 11, 2013
Fucked up & triggered
One of my friends is dating a guy with a 14 year old girl. About a week ago she was admitted to the hospital, at 65lbs. She is about my height. I'm trying to be supportive, I'm really trying my best, but honestly I'm jealous, so very fucking jealous that this young girl got her bmi so much lower than mine, and rather than being happy FOR HER that they caught her, and put her in treatment, I'm spitefully happy that they're making her gain weight. I'm so ashamed of myself, both for feeling like this about that poor girl, and for being such a failure at losing weight. How long have I been at almost the same weight, doing nothing to change my body for the better? A year now? I'm sure I've been losing muscle and gaining fat, so I'm worse off and at the same weight from a year ago, it's only a matter of time if I keep this up that my body starts gaining enough fat to show up on the scale. God this is awful I need to change.
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*Hugs*
ReplyDeleteThat is how this disease makes us think. I too am jealous of her and torn between being glad that she is being encouraged towards life and glad she's being forced to gain. I'm actually incredibly jealous that she is ALLOWED to eat and gain weight. Fucked up? Very.
Fuck, it does stupid sick nasty twisted things to our heads.
Go for changing bodycomp and fuck the scales, ok? I want you around to visit when I get over my fear of the gun-toting bible-bashing crazies in your country and come to visit.
*Hugs you tightly*
OMG DID YOU KNOW YOU REPLY DIRECTLY TO COMMENTS?! BECAUSE I JUST FOUND OUT!!
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