I'm insane. Andy won't last much longer, he'll probably be gone by the end of the week. I have a problem. I'm going back to Matt, because he's the only person I've ever dated that I didn't break up with because I was bored. We had a legitimate problem, and he's taken steps to fix it.
Andy.. is a wonderful guy.. he really is, but the feelings just flared up and then faded away, like they always have, with everyone except Matt. I guess I do love Matt, it seems like it, I've had this feeling a lot, but he's the only one who it hasn't faded with.
I think what I pursue guys like some people pursue drugs. That rush in the beginning is always so amazing. They can keep me as long as it lasts because it makes me feel loved, a feeling I can't manage to produce on my own. That, in an odd way, is why I like being single, as long as there are people chasing me. It's fun to be chased. Almost as fun as being bought stuff and have someone constantly wanting to talk to and hold you.
So, this is a terrible thing to think but it'll probably happen; I'm going to go live with Matt, because god I miss him, but I don't know if I'm going to start dating him again right away.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
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